Republican Wet Dream Now a Hard Reality

America is days away from the Presidential Election with epic voter turnout despite a massive coordinated voter suppression effort by Republicans that would make Lee Atwater blush. Choosing to self satisfy over serving the nation, Donald’s corrupt Party confirmed Amy Coney Barrett, to a lifetime appointment on the Supreme Court. Although Amy did not provide any substantive answers during her confirmation, her positions on health care, equality, voter suppression, presidential power, and Roe v. Wade are reflected in her long standing career support of Praise Patriarchy, A.H.N. (Appease His Needs), and Piety Power. Some time ago, at an abandoned Jeffery Epstein property, Praise Patriarchy, A.H.N. (Appease His Needs), and Piety Power, met to immediately implement their plan to install Amy on the Supreme Court, quickly thrusting their support down Donald’s throat, who quickly swallowed the groups’ desire for Amy’s appointment.

At Amy’s tax payer funded respiratory droplet party held in the Rose Garden, Republicans were aroused at the prospect of fulfilling their myopic minority rule wet dream of outlawing IVF, Roe v. Wade, marriage equality, health care, and the tedious task of counting all votes. The Republican Party’s wet dream became a hard reality, as Clarence Thomas swore in Amy under the cloak of darkness, at yet another infectious disease gathering at the White House.

Amy’s swearing in was not the only nighttime activity taking place, nocturnal emissions were also underway. However, this time the sperm were saved. Apparently Amy is aiming to ban masturbation, proposing new laws that would outlaw any ejaculation which does not result in a fertilized egg, claiming sperm has personhood with the right to life, and thus has the same rights as the father. Amy went on to say sperm will no longer be killed at the hand of man, by supporting the Republican anti-masturbation bill currently called, Save Sperm Souls. Although Clarence Thomas did not vocalize his support of, Save Sperm Souls, he wore an, All Sperm Matters t-shirt under his robe, which he exposed after the swearing in. Purportedly, All Sperm Matters, is a Super PAC, with donations coming in from Moscow and St.Petersburg. Word on the street is, Amy will appease conservative men by allowing provisions in masturbation cases where the Virgin Mary appears during a nocturnal emission, or self induced masturbation. However, in cases where Jesus Christ appears while a man masturbates, the man will be subject to additional prosecution for wanton endangerment. Amy said it was up to her to protect unborn sperm. Donald echoed his appointee saying, my Jesus juice is pure, strong, huge, and beautiful, and I won’t let radical liberals kill them. When asked about women masturbating, the Republican congregation, simply laughed saying, that’s silly, everyone knows a woman can’t satisfy herself, the vagina was only made for men and motherhood.

Written by NamasteNegro.com

Tami Warren is the writer and creator of Namaste Negro. She lives life with daily doses of levity in Denver, Colorado. Tami earned a B.A. in Sociology, from the University of Colorado. Tami keeps it high, in the Mile High City. Humor is healthy so cachinnate. Cultivate compassion, and comedy, we are all connected. Namaste. tamiwarren@namastenegro.com | @namastenegro

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