Putin is poised to invade yet another country after his invasion of America, only this time he’ll use actual tanks instead of Donald Trump.

Comrades in chaos, Trump and Putin, have a co-dependent relationship, as Trump needs Putin to get into the White House, and Putin needs Trump to destroy it if he gets there. From Moscow to Mar-a-Lago, Donald and Vladimir keep their long distance relationship strong with clear communication comprised primarily of emojis.

Word on the street is, Putin plans to ride bare back and shirtless into battle, wielding a new weapon made of cables he calls the Kremlin Kraken. The cables are apparently a collection of underwater communication cables Russia cut from rival countries. Rimy conditions will not stop Putin’s dream of expanding his power, nor from flexing his pectoral muscles.

Putin’s plan to keep America divided, inflamed by racism, distrustful of government, sick from the pandemic, and doubtful about democracy, is all part of his plan. Thus far, it seems to be working, with segments of America rejecting science, Toni Morrison, vaccines, and voting rights.

Trump could not be reached for comment, as he was busy judging the Annual Anus Run, a contest in which Republicans compete to kiss his anus. However, Trump’s support for Putin has not wavered, as Donald is hopeful Vladimir will once again campaign with him for their 2024 run for the White House.

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