To: The Republican Party
From: A Fellow American Citizen
Subject: Crisis of constitution
The stain on the Constitution was identified as fecal matter resulting from the Republican Party standard-bearer, utilizing the living document on his anus. This action is not only unsanitary; it is repugnant and undemocratic. Continuing to deface the Constitution will not only debase the document, it will erode the core of American ideals, resulting in the atrophy of Democracy. By continuing to buttress (pun intended) the despotic actions of the Republican standard-bearer, with peremptory reply to his unconstitutional activity, Republicans confirm the pusillanimity of its Party’s constitution.