Affluenza Asphyxiation

Affluenza is a devastating condition afflicting an elite group of people, involving the lack of motivation to accept fact, overwhelming white angst, a deep sense of malaise, and isolation. Those afflicted with affluenza require our compassion. Imagine being born into wealth, never having responsibility, always getting what you want, not experiencing the reality of consequences for your actions, and never having anyone tell you, “No.” Such is the fate of a highly select group of white people, cursed with an abundance of cash, and a well connected capitulating community that protects them.

Remember the spoiled, rich, white guy in Texas, Ethan Couch, who killed four people, while driving under the influence, only to be shielded from accountability because he suffered from affluenza? Well, the severity of affluenza cases have worsened in America, with an acute case of affluenza infecting Donald, the soon to be ex-President, who like his fellow white brethren Ethan, will attempt to escape to Mexico, trying to avoid accountability. As Mexico is currently run by a President who has not acknowledged Joe Biden, as the US President-Elect, Donald is hoping to find amnesty, and a welcome red carpet, in the same Pantone red as his ties. There, Donald plans to expand his career path, as the spokesperson for beans, and become a real estate developer of beach front properties in Acapulco. Transitioning to life on the other side of the wall will be smooth for Donald, as he will be the least racist person to ever cross the border. In Mexico, Donald looks forward to continuing his humanitarian work of separating children from their parents, and furthering his love of architecture, with the expansion of his border wall, only this time, the focus of the wall will be to keep American law enforcement out, in order to avoid his extradition.

Ivanka has started a “fund me” page to raise money for Americans suffering from Affluenza Asphyxiation, called The American Affluenza Asphyxiation Association (AAAA), in hopes of establishing an elite private rehabilitation resort in Aspen, where those stricken with the illness heal, while immersed in the perfect balance of wild life and luxury. The resort will feature an exclusive hologram of Ayn Rand giving motivational speeches on the joys of objectivism. Activities at the resort will include pin the tail on the “darkest” one, and spa relaxation rooms with Aryan aromatherapy. After being barred from starting a charity in New York, and serving as Donald’s chief wife advisor, Ivanka seems to have found her calling in saving Americans with Affluenza Asphyxiation, a condition impacting less than 1% of the nation. Ivanka continues to ask for privacy and patience as her father comes to terms with losing the Presidential election, saying, affluenza is a serious condition for America’s VIP’s requiring empathy and understanding. She then jetted off to a private island to celebrate the launch of AAAA with a small group of friends. All those in attendance were tested for their net worth, and received rapid wealth portfolio tests upon arrival. Ivanka plans to open an AAAA resort rehabilitation center in Acapulco to be closer to her Dear Daddy Donald.

Donald’s eldest sons were pleased to hear about their father’s plans to “relocate.” As a gift for their father’s future new home in Mexico, Donnie Jr. gave his dad a mounted head of a rare white moose, with the inscription, White at home. Immediately after Donnie Jr. gifted the mounted head of the rare white moose to his father, Canadian officials contacted Donnie Jr. for questioning. Ivanka and Eric ask for your prayers and donations during this time.

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” Ayn Rand

“We can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality.” Ayn Rand

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