Special counsel Robert Hur, a Donald Trump appointee, who investigated classified documents found in the garage of President Biden’s home, found no crime to charge President Biden with. However, Hur did find an array of adjectives wrapped in personal commentary, which he included in an official report, describing President Biden as an, “elderly man with a poor memory.”

When asked why Hur felt the need to go so unnecessary and personal, instead of sticking to facts, Hur replied: I’m a Comeyesque kind of guy with Desperate Housewife tendencies. In fairness, Hur also offered his never before seen investigative report on the classified documents found at the home of Mike Pence. In it, Hur describes Pence as a conflicted religious man with poor self esteem, who sleeps with his mother.

Moving on to important items…

Who is in charge of our governments classified documents? Are there no file cabinets or storage rooms at the White House? For fuck’s sake, libraries keep better track of books than the government does of classified material. Maybe they should try the Dewey Decimal System, like President Biden, it’s old but it works. Then again, due to book bans, libraries only have a couple of books to keep track of these days.