When I was a growing up, many moons ago, there wasn’t a focus on protecting kids who were bullied. Being bullied was basically considered a right of passage, it was something that you just had to put up with. Kids would meet after school for fights and were taunted out in the open. Sure, every now and then a teacher would intervene, however, there were no anti-bully posters, legislation, or safe spaces for kids who were taunted and harassed in my day. That’s the way it was. But, safety and acceptance for different kinds of people didn’t seem top of mind back then. I grew up during a time without seatbelts, or widespread peanut allergies, and a show called, The Dukes of Hazzard, with a Confederate flag blazoned across a car called, The General Lee.
Full disclosure, I’m not cool (but I think you already know that) I wasn’t cool at any level in school, nor later was I cool in any office I’ve ever worked in. I cannot imagine the pressure of being cool. However, whether you’re cool or clumsy is not what’s important, what you say about people is. I live the damage of gossip and don’t want anyone else to. While in school I was constantly being taunted for something, I never fit in anywhere. Either I wasn’t Black enough or I was too Black…at least as far as my skin color was concerned. All people everywhere experience pain. I am not special in this respect. Gossip is a part of human life, it may bond people together. However, gossip most often is utilized to banish and hurt, splintering people apart.
When people were horrid to me, I tried to “kill them with kindness,” however, it only made them more insidious with their hate…nothing I did squelched their insult and detestation. Killing them with kindness was killing me, attempting to rise above it and be nice seemed to make me an “easy” target. Alas, some mottos only work as a bumper sticker, real life requires more than ideal heraldic phrases that sound good.
It seems that bullies don’t grow up, they just get older. Mean little boys and girls, only get old – becoming mean adults. No one wakes up and is suddenly an asshole – it takes time and enablers…the “cute” antics one has as a kid are absolutely caustic when they are adults. Caustic behaviors simply move environments, from classrooms to corporations, all still aimed at propagating deception. Gossip, rumor, and disinformation is dividing and destroying people in communities large and small. The next time you hear tea or a tall tale about someone, take time to discover the facts for yourself, before you leap into the fantasy of belief.
In being transparent, I must concede that I’ve been called a plethora of hateful hurtful names. I’ve been purposely isolated and ostracized. I’ve endured gossip and rumors. Unfortunately, not all of it was as an adolescent, it was in adulthood as well…yes indeed, grown ass people actively trying to destroy and dehumanize another person. Malicious intent is real. Therefore, I’ve never been a fan of people who operate in life by the motto: If I don’t like them, then we don’t like them, when it comes to individual private people. Find out for yourself, get to know a person, form your own opinion…resist co-signing gossip and rumor, even if it comes from a “friend,” co-worker, or the “influencer” in your life…the tea can be toxic so, consume with caution. Misinformation is life’s malware, it infects and corrodes our connections to each other.
Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. don Miguel Ruiz